


Spice Up Your Life (And Your Road Trips)

by Waffle-o (XylB)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: FAHC, GTA Universe, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Trans Male Character, Watersports, babe don't look, does this count as car sex, there's even two of them, there's orgasms in a car I don't know what to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-01-16 03:33:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12334683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XylB/pseuds/Waffle-o
Summary: They're settled in for a long car ride. Ryan's bored.(Inspired by a video I saw on Tumblr. Completely and utterly self-indulgent - relatively tame but read the tags.)





	1. Chapter 1

It takes Ryan about twenty minutes to get bored. Twenty minutes and then he’s kicking off his shoes and wiggling his jeans down and off and -

“Ryan, what the hell are you doing?” Jeremy asks, glancing away from the road to his boyfriend. Ryan shrugs and kicks the jeans off of his feet, slouching down in the seat a little to spread his legs.

“Bored,” he says, bringing his fingers up to his mouth to suck on them. Jeremy’s cheeks flush and he ignores the twinge of arousal that snaps through him when Ryan’s fingers slide out with a wet _pop!_.

Just as they turn onto the motorway, Ryan starts touching himself, tipping his head back against the seat with a pleased hum as he starts rubbing in little circles around his cock. Jeremy sneaks a glance over again and Ryan tugs deliberately on his dick, dragging the blunt edge of his nail over the tip and shivering.

“Jesus Christ, Ryan, I’m trying to drive,” Jeremy says, thankful that at least the desert road is relatively empty at this time, but there’s still just enough cars that an accident is possible if he doesn’t keep his eyes on the road.

“Keep your eyes on the road, then,” Ryan replies.

A minute passes with just Ryan jerking himself off, each wet flick of his fingers sparking a quiet noise and each drag of his thumb drawing out a rumbling groan. Jeremy’s throat dries up and he fidgets in his seat when Ryan moans particularly loudly, shifting more in the seat – Jeremy glances over to see him sliding two fingers into himself, burying them in to the last knuckle. _Fuck_.

Jeremy’s cheeks heat as Ryan starts fucking himself, the slow, _wet_ slide of his fingers obscenely loud in the quiet car, his noises pitching breathier and breathier as he speeds up.

“Fuck,” Jeremy breathes, looking over to see Ryan’s fingers withdraw, shiny and slick, and then plunge back in – Ryan’s other hand drifts up to rub his cock in earnest, his hips lifting jerkily into his touch.

“Mm, fuck, haven’t come in so long,” Ryan moans, rocking more purposefully in the seat, eyes closed and mouth open. “God, Jeremy, ‘m so close already.”

“Yeah?” Jeremy asks shakily, his palms sweating against the wheel. “You gonna come, Ryan?”

Ryan nods with a whine and fucks himself furiously, his hips rolling up and his fingers flying on his dick, pinching and tugging and stroking as his legs twitch and jerk.

“Fuck, fuck – Jeremy, ah shit, _Jeremy_ \- ” Ryan tightens up with a moan and comes, his hips bucking up as the slide of his fingers grows even _wetter_ , his cock flushed and shiny with new slick when Jeremy looks over.

“Ah – fuck, _shit_ ,” Ryan breathes as his fingers slow, eyelids fluttering open so he can look at Jeremy. “Fuck, so good, Jeremy.”

Jeremy bites back a pathetic whine and drops a hand to squeeze himself – it doesn’t help, but the heat of Ryan’s gaze is almost too much to handle.

A few moments pass where Ryan lazily fingers himself, idly playing with his dick and biting his lip as he slumps a little lower in the seat.

“Haven’t pissed in a while, either,” he murmurs. Jeremy’s foot slips on the pedal and the car roars forward – he frantically manages to get it under control to the sound of Ryan’s quiet, pleased laughter.

“Fuck, Ryan, you can’t just _say_ that,” Jeremy whines, bouncing in his seat to distract himself.

“But ‘m so full,” Ryan says, pulling his fingers out to drag them over his bladder. “Can’t hold it.”

Jeremy whines again and glances over to watch Ryan play with himself, digging his knuckles into his bladder and petting lightly over his cock.

A minute later Ryan lets out a tiny sigh and the wet sound of _pissing_ starts up – Jeremy nearly comes right there and then and tears his eyes from the road to watch the choppy stop-start trickles grow into a stream, soaking the footwell and Ryan’s jeans and pooling on the leather seat under him. Ryan sighs again and presses down to coax more out – it sprays high enough to hit the dashboard and he lets out a quiet giggle, eyes flicking to Jeremy as he pisses all over the car, cheeks hot with colour and his finger shiny from a different kind of wet now.

Ryan stops the stream with a grunt and slides his fingers back in to stroke himself inside – this time when he withdraws them piss follows, splashing over leather and splattering on his thighs, dripping down filthily to the carpet. A quiet moan leaves him and he doesn’t _stop_ pissing, dragging his palm over himself to break the stream, hips jolting up as he spreads his fingers to let piss spray between them. Jeremy’s hot all over and _drooling_ in his underwear, biting back helpless whimpers as he fidgets in his seat, every movement putting pressure on some good part and every splash of piss sending another blazing shudder through him.

The stream dies down, eventually, slowing to short, pulsing bursts that drip over Ryan’s fingers and add to the puddle under him, big enough to drip over the edge of the seat to the floor. Ryan moans and quickly rubs himself to a second orgasm – his fingers dip inside just after he stops coming and Jeremy looks over just as they emerge come-wet and sticky with whitish slick.

“Shit,” Ryan pants, his head lolling against the headrest. He lazily rubs himself again and shivers.

“That’s better,” he says, glancing at Jeremy. “Been holding that since this mornin’.”

Jeremy curses shakily and thanks the fucking high heavens they’re on an empty stretch of road, broken away from the cars behind them, before he shoves his hands down his jeans, not even bothering with unbuttoning them. It only takes a few hard strokes and he’s coming, shoulders hunching up and his eyes struggling not to close as he makes a mess in his briefs, come leaking out and soaking into the fabric as he whines through gritted teeth.

When he draws his hand back out and plants it back on the wheel, he glances over to see Ryan unscrewing a bottle of water, grinning innocently at Jeremy before tipping it back and drinking it – Jeremy drags his eyes from the column of Ryan’s throat to the road and listens as Ryan drains half of the bottle in one go, smacking his lips afterwards with a contented sigh.

“When’d you bring that in here?” Jeremy asks, his knees still weak with orgasm.

“Well, we’ve still got a couple hours left, haven’t we?” Ryan asks, tucking the bottle into the door and leaning back. He bends a leg to rest his foot on the seat and scoots his hips forward a little – the puddle of piss ripples and more noisily drips onto the carpet – before sucking on his fingers again and tapping them over his dick.

“Don’t want to get bored,” he says. Jeremy whimpers.


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later and Ryan’s still naked, apparently completely unbothered about it, too, legs splayed and one hand drumming restlessly on his knee, the other propping up his head against the window.

And because apparently Ryan _packed_ for this, earlier he’d twisted around and hauled a duffle bag from the backseat to pull out some towels to at least soak up the mess on the seat – Jeremy also spied a change of jeans in there and _motherfucker_ he _totally_ planned this.

But it just gets ridiculous when Ryan reaches down into the bag again and procures something bright and pink and -

“You brought a fucking  _vibrator_?” Jeremy asks – Ryan grins and clicks it on, its low buzzing filtering through the car as he touches the tip to his cock, hips immediately jolting up into it.

Jeremy glances over to watch Ryan press it up against his hole and with the next unrestrained moan that leaves Ryan’s mouth, decides _fuck this_ and _no way_ and swerves off the road into the packed dirt that borders the desert to park. Ryan shoots him a look and flattens the length of the toy against his dick.

“Backseat. Now,” Jeremy says – Ryan nods and closes his eyes and Jeremy climbs into the backseat, reaching around to haul Ryan in, too, clumsily knocking against the seats and letting Jeremy manhandle him onto his back, handing the toy off neatly as he fists a hand in Jeremy’s shirt to kiss him.

Jeremy fits himself between Ryan’s legs and drags the toy down to his cock again, touching too light and too quick for Ryan to get any real stimulation but that doesn’t stop him moaning. He bucks up with a whine when Jeremy pulls away and Jeremy presses his other hand over Ryan’s bladder – Ryan spasms and Jeremy slides the toy in to make him wriggle between his hands. Looks like those two bottles have gotten to him.

And _g_ _od_ , Ryan’s slick down here, wet with come and pre-come as he rocks up against the vibrator – Jeremy pushes in and _angles_ and Ryan’s legs clamp around him, his breath puffing out hot over Jeremy’s cheek. Another deliberate thrust pulls a whimper from him.

“Jeremy, Jeremy – oh, _Jeremy_ ,” Ryan pants, pressing his head against the seat as he eagerly fucks himself on the toy – Jeremy withdraws it to tease over his dick again. “Jeremy, please - ”

“Mm, yeah, all desperate for me now, aren’tcha?” Jeremy murmurs, pressing his fingertips into Ryan’s bladder to emphasise. “So fuckin’ full for me.”

“Jeremy, I can’t – fuck, _fuck_ \- ”

“I haven’t got all day,” Jeremy growls. “Either you come now or you go back to your hand.”

Ryan whimpers pathetically and grasps at Jeremy’s shirt, urgently tugging him down as his hips roll and twitch. Jeremy buries the toy in all the way and smushes his thumb to Ryan’s cock, gives him a few hard rubs before pulling out to use the toy on it, mercilessly grinding against it. Ryan shudders and pants and comes with a cry, his noise fading into frantic, panicked whimpers when Jeremy doesn’t _stop_ , holds the vibrator against him and forces him to trip over into another harsh series of shudders, trembling from head to toe as he gasps out Jeremy’s name in hurried breaths.

Jeremy still doesn’t stop, lightens up a bit but doesn’t withdraw completely, and kneads Ryan’s bladder more intently now, until he jerks and something wet splashes against Jeremy’s knuckles – Ryan’s cheeks heat and he whines as he loses it over the seats, an arc of piss staining Jeremy’s jeans and most of it trickling out in a stream that pools under him and drips down over the edge, Ryan too fucked out and dazed to push it into a spray. Jeremy lets the toy roll to the back of the seat and twists his fingers into Ryan to provoke a shudder – he pulls out to press his knuckles lightly against Ryan’s hole and feel piss run down over them, a seemingly never-ending flow.

“That’s it, yeah, good boy,” Jeremy whispers, dropping open-mouthed kisses to Ryan’s jaw. “Jus’ wanted me to fuck it all out of ya.”

“Could’ve done it myself,” Ryan breathes, turning to capture Jeremy’s lips in a messy kiss. Ryan tenses up and a few more spurts of piss spray out over the seat before it fades to nothing with his satisfied sigh.

“How much water you got?” Jeremy asks. A couple more weak trickles run over his fingers before finally stopping, and he brings his hand up to brace himself instead as Ryan’s hand slides into his jeans.

“Oh, I’ve got plenty,” Ryan promises, kisses his chuckle into Jeremy’s lips as he starts to stroke.


	3. Chapter 3

Jeremy has to pull over again when Ryan pulls out a dildo because if Ryan's going to fuck himself into a whimpery, whiny mess in Jeremy's passenger seat then Jeremy's _damn well_ going to have something to do with it.

"Fuckin' - you're such a fucking cocktease," Jeremy spits, leaning over to drag Ryan into a messy kiss.

"You like it," Ryan hums, his lips curling into a smile. Yeah, he's not _wrong_  but he doesn't have to be so fucking  _smug_ about it.

"Get over here," Jeremy growls, fisting his hands in Ryan's shirt and tugging. Ryan slides the dildo out and helpfully crawls over the gearbox to straddle Jeremy's lap – Jeremy kicks up the lever below the seat with his foot to slide the seat back and settles his hands on Ryan's hips.

Ryan grins at him and taps the toy against his own lips, eyes on Jeremy as he slides it in to suck on it, moaning exaggeratedly as his eyelids flutter. Jeremy groans and Ryan draws the dildo out – deliberately _slowly_ – a thin trail of spit connecting it to his mouth. It snaps when he brings it down between them again, rising up to position it under him and sinking down with a low moan, bouncing a little to settle more comfortably as Jeremy smothers his noise with a kiss.

Jeremy doesn't let him get off that easily – leans back to watch him shallowly fuck himself down and thumbs at Ryan's lower lip before pushing the door open and roughly gripping Ryan’s hip to bring him to a stop. Ryan whines pitifully but Jeremy doesn’t break his hold.

“On your knees,” he says. Ryan presses another kiss to his cheek and rises up to slide off, his hand keeping the toy lodged inside him as he drops to his knees on the grass. Jeremy twists around in the seat and starts shimmying his jeans off as Ryan sits back on his heels and on the toy, sighing at the stretch.

Ryan doesn’t even let him get his underwear past his _thighs_ before he’s on Jeremy, glancing up with wide, pleading eyes and pressing his mouth to Jeremy’s cock. Jeremy groans and threads a hand in Ryan’s hair to urge him in closer, grinding up against his tongue when it slips out to lick over him and from there Ryan gets to work, sucking the hot nub of Jeremy’s dick between his lips and bouncing the little he _can_ on his knees, his moans muffled and quiet.

A hand comes up to rub at Jeremy and then Ryan’s sloppily sucking him off as he slides two fingers in, curling them up and _stroking_. He fucks Jeremy quick and messy, lapping over his flushed cock and greedily licking at where he’s slick and leaking, his tongue pushing in between his fingers. Jeremy moans and spreads his legs more to let Ryan mouth at more of him, his lips drifting back up to seal around Jeremy’s dick and flick over it with his tongue, his fingers shoving in more and pressing upup _upup_  until each stroke sparks a spasm and each spasm sends an ache through Jeremy’s bladder.

Ryan whimpers and sucks him off more fervently, bobbing slightly faster on his knees and relentlessly rubbing at Jeremy’s sweet spot. Jeremy moan and fists his hair and shamelessly rocks against him as his toes curl in his boots, his thighs shaking either side of Ryan’s shoulders. He comes with a sharp whine and a shudder, clenching frantically around Ryan’s fingers. Ryan brings his free hand up to press over Jeremy’s bladder, testing the ache with each wave of orgasm – Jeremy relaxes briefly and then tenses up when Ryan _pushes_ from inside again. His cheeks grow impossibly warm and Ryan pulls away to rest his cheek against Jeremy’s thigh, looking up with dark eyes and swollen lips.

“Yeah?” He asks, prodding at Jeremy’s bladder. Jeremy flushes _hot_ but meets his eyes.

“Hold it for me?” Ryan asks, dropping a kiss over the slight curve of Jeremy’s abdomen as he slides his fingers out. And how’s Jeremy supposed to resist _that_? 

He nods helplessly - Ryan smiles and his hand disappears between his legs again to fuck himself with the toy – Jeremy takes a moment to regain his breath and then curls his hands under Ryan’s arms to haul him up to standing – Ryan follow clumsily, bracing himself on the roof when he realises what Jeremy’s doing.

Jeremy palms the base of the toy and Ryan’s hand falls away to let him take over, to let him fuck Ryan however he likes. Just by _looking_ Jeremy can see how close he is already, trembling finely with every shallow thrust. So Jeremy doesn’t tease too long. He gets a thumb on Ryan’s cock and rubs in quick circles as he fucks him – Ryan moans and shakes and drools slick over the dildo, all flushed and puffy from the oversensitivity.

It sounds wet and filthy and even filthier when Ryan comes with a strangled whimper, jerking fitfully into Jeremy’s touch and whining when his knees start to buckle and – Jeremy swiftly catches him with a hand around his waist, sliding the toy out and discarding it somewhere on the seat beside him as he pulls Ryan onto his lap. Ryan collapses against him and Jeremy catches his mouth in a kiss, petting over Ryan’s hair to calm him.

“Fuck,” Ryan whispers, kneading deliberately at Jeremy’s bladder and grinning when he twitches. “Like it when y’get bossy.”

“You’re really fucking distracting to drive with, you know that?”

“Aw, Jeremy, I love you, too.”


	4. Chapter 4

They’re almost there when Ryan asks Jeremy to pull over again, the telling heat in his gaze translating to hands when Jeremy shoves the car into park, grasping at his shoulders and arms and encouraging him to clamber over the gearstick to settle in Ryan’s lap – Ryan’s still goddamn naked from the waist down, and Jeremy plops down right on his thighs and plants a hand on his chest as Ryan tugs him in for a hard kiss.

Jeremy groans and Ryan presses hand up between his legs to grind against his cock, muffling a quiet moan against Jeremy’s lips when Jeremy bucks in response. Ryan repeats the move and this time Jeremy’s bladder pulses with a dull pang and he whimpers in surprise, pushing Ryan’s hand away.

“Yeah? Gotta go?” Ryan asks with a slow grin, trailing kisses up Jeremy’s jaw and pressing his hand to Jeremy again.

“Fuck – yes, yeah, let - “ Jeremy goes to open the door and Ryan grabs his wrist, leaning back to look up at him.

“Just go here,” he says, digging his knuckles into Jeremy’s bladder – Jeremy _aches_ and nearly doubles over and shakes above him, shaking his head as he struggles to keep it in.

“I haven’t – I haven’t got a change of clothes, I - “ he babbles, and Ryan cuts him off with a soft kiss to his throat.

“I’ve got some for you,” Ryan murmurs, his eyelashes brushing Jeremy’s skin as he drifts further for another kiss. “Don’t worry.”

Jeremy whines and grips Ryan’s shoulders, glancing down where Ryan’s hand is kneading gently at his bladder.

“You sure?” He breathes.

“Yeah. I got you, Jeremy,” Ryan says, kisses Jeremy’s jaw before leaning back again.

“Fuck,” Jeremy whimpers, his muscles jumping at the next twinge. “Fuck, it’s embarrassing,” he whines, tears springing to his eyes as Ryan works steady circles with his knuckles. But god, he doesn’t want to _leave_.

“Nah,” Ryan says, tipping Jeremy’s chin up with his other hand and looking into his eyes. “Promise.”

Jeremy nods and Ryan presses their lips together, drops his hand to alternately dig into his bladder and rub at his dick through the denim, enough to stimulate a knee-jerk response that almost makes Jeremy lose it right there. He whimpers and Ryan curses quietly against his mouth, pulling back to watch as Jeremy aches and cramps and tries to fight the instinct to _hold it_. It burns down to his cock and a wave of _something_ shudders through Jeremy and he’s so close -

And his body refuses to go and he cramps up again and his eyes water with how _close_ he is, slick staining his underwear and his bladder threatening to empty. The whole time, Ryan keeps up his touches, comforts Jeremy with a soft kiss to his jaw or his mouth and glances down expectantly whenever Jeremy whimpers.

Ryan experimentally _pokes_ at his bladder with two fingers and Jeremy jerks and gasps, his thighs shaking with the warring effort of going and holding – Ryan repeats the move and a few drops leak out. Jeremy sucks in a ragged breath and then he can’t _stop_ , piss trickling out of him and growing into a steady stream that soaks his underwear and his jeans and splashes over Ryan’s lap – Ryan moans shakily and Jeremy opens his eyes to watch the denim darken, rivulets down his inner thighs and piss dripping to Ryan’s crotch, over his fingers where they’re still pressed up to Jeremy.

“Fuck,” Ryan breathes, groaning when another strong spurt soaks through his fingers before reducing to trickling again. “That’s it, Jeremy, fuck.” He pushes at Jeremy’s bladder once more and drops his fingers to himself to stroke his dick, now glistening with – god, with Jeremy’s piss, Ryan’s pubes soaked with it and it’s so filthy Jeremy can’t help how his cheeks _burn_.

Jeremy presses his face to Ryan’s cheek and Ryan unzips him to shove his hand into his briefs, dropping a kiss to his neck as he gets slippery fingers on his cock, rubbing fast and hard in these clumsy little circles that send shivers up Jeremy’s spine. Jeremy moans and grunts as he pisses over Ryan’s fingers in a short little spray – Ryan gasps and strokes himself harder, pinching and rubbing until his fingers blur and he comes, muffling his noise against Jeremy’s shoulder as the fingers on Jeremy stutter and stop.

“Oh fuck, _fuck_ ,” Ryan coughs, trembling all over and hurriedly sliding his fingers into Jeremy, fucking him with these sharp little thrusts that sound obscenely wet with how much Jeremy’s drooling all over his knuckles, Ryan bringing his other hand up to jack Jeremy’s dick.

Jeremy comes with a choked moan that he presses into Ryan’s neck while he greedily fucks himself down, desperate for the way Ryan’s fingertips drag over his sweet spot – Ryan keeps up his pace as best he can, his own fingers still trembling a little from his own orgasm. His breath puffs out shakily over Jeremy’s neck as Jeremy’s knees slip on the seat to clamp around Ryan’s thighs.

“Ryan – shit,” Jeremy pants, his orgasm radiating warm through him as Ryan’s fingers slow and pull out, tap over his cock and brush over his urethra.

“Got any more?” Ryan breathes, tapping over his urethra until Jeremy whines and more drops leak out of him – a split-second of a stream shoots out and then he’s back to stray drops, whimpering quietly when he sits down more comfortable on Ryan’s thighs and his clothes _cling_ to him everywhere.

“Thanks,” Ryan whispers, nuzzling at his neck and sliding his damp hand up to Jeremy’s side, just – pressing against him while their breathing evens out.

“Yeah,” Jeremy mumbles, satisfaction settling in his bones and making him lazy despite the cooling piss on and around them. “You better have a change of clothes, Haywood.”

“Aw, you think I’d lie about that?” Ryan says with a smirk, lifting his head to peck Jeremy on the lips.

“I think you’d lie about anything if it got you laid,” Jeremy jokes, laughing at Ryan’s dramatic pout. He leans in to kiss it away and Ryan melts like butter under him, his hands warm and soft on Jeremy’s body.

“Mm, love you,” Ryan murmurs between slow kisses.

“Love you, too,” Jeremy replies. Ryan’s thumb travels lower to skate suggestively over his dick again and Jeremy sucks in a sharp breath. Ryan smiles.

“Got time for one more?”


End file.
